You sound exactly like me when I had young kids. Mine were a little older than yours but the attitude my wife had was exactly the same. She was resentful and angry all the time. She was taking it out on me and the kids. This was a time of stress for us (during the Great Recession) and I was trying to run a start up business from the house and not making much money and she had recently quit a lucrative corporate job and we were living off a large bonus she had gotten but it was all too much and I was a "Nice Guy" that didn't know how to set boundaries. My wife is a force of nature. Very strong willed person that wants to take control of everything. I was happy to let her do that from controlling our finances to taking dictating how the kids should be raised to running my business. Everything. Unfortunately, that is not what she wanted. She really wanted me to take the lead on many aspects of our life. I was a proto typical Nice Guy as defined by Dr. Robert Glover. (Read his book, No More Mr. Nice Guy https://www.drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy/the-book.html)
Ask these questions of yourself and see if you fit the mold because from what I am hearing, you are a classic case:
“How come I always seem to give so much more than I get?”
“All I want is to be appreciated. Is that asking too much?”
“I can never do it right.”
“She’s always mad.”
“When will it be my turn?”
“She never wants to have sex anymore.”
The thing that turned things around for me was a lot of therapy both joint counseling and individual for both of us. Your wife being in individual therapy is a good thing but you really both need to see a good therapist together. You may find out that you still don't want to be married but at least you do that in a neutral zone with a referee guiding you to that decision vs. just you making stuff up in your own head. If she is hesitant to therapy together, you should start making noise about getting divorced but do not leave the house and kids, otherwise she will get custody and that might not be in your best interest.
