Sorry you are going through this. This quote could be my wife. Emotionally abusive parents she had. They didn’t know how to deal with her and her ADHD. Just like me she was raised in a middle class suburban household but struggled at times and eventually got her shit together in her 20s. Once she did her parents became much nicer people. We almost got divorced about ten years ago and it was rough for a year or so but lots of therapy helped. Not sure you could spend the time to do therapy but I don’t see you using any third party help. I highly recommend it.

I’ll leave you with a quote:

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Litany against fear. Bene Gesserit